Traffic Lights

ONE DAY everyone on Nishiura and Mihoshi and maybe some other people received an anonymous letter that simply told them to meet up at the Tosei clubhouse. Without further ado, they all did!

The Nishiura players were the first to arrive. Inside the clubhouse, a little stage had been set up, along with a whole bunch of chairs facing it like an audience.

“We should probably just sit down,” Hanai suggested, taking a seat.

“I WANNA SIT OVER THERE!!!” Tajima screamed. He was about to run up to the stage, but Hanai grabbed his collar just in time and shoved him down into a chair. The other Nishiura players proceeded to take all the rest of the front seats.

Anyway, that’s when Mihoshi barged in!

“NISHIURA!!” they all bellowed menacingly upon seeing who were already there, pointing accusingly at their rival team.

“Hey look, it’s Mihashi!” Kano said sounding way too excited. “HI REN!!” He proceeded to skip off to take a seat right behind Mihashi who ducked.

“Kano, wait!” Hatake yelled desperately, following Kano.

Everyone else on Mihoshi shrugged and sat down as well.

“So Ren, how is every little thing?” Kano asked happily.

“Um… I… uh…” Mihashi stuttered.

“Oh good, nothing has changed,” said Kano, leaning back in his chair in a satisfied fashion.

“What is THAT supposed to mean?” Abe, who just so happened to be sitting next to Mihashi, demanded.

“Now now, Abe, there’s no need for hostility!” said Sakaeguchi, who was sitting on the OTHER side of Mihashi.

“Yeah, what he said,” said Kano with a grin.

“Kano, let’s go sit over THERE,” said Hatake grouchily.

“No, I’m serious,” said Abe, glaring at Kano. “Are you HAPPY Mihashi is still a dweeb?”

“You’re being too harsh, Abe!” said Sakaeguchi.

“Well, let’s just say I like Ren just the way he is!” said Kano smugly.

“And what do you mean by THAT?” Abe nearly yelled. “I like Mihashi just the way he is too!”

“Doesn’t seem that way to me,” said Kano with a shrug.

“Yeah, I agree with this one,” said Sakaeguchi.

“YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!” Abe yelled in Sakaeguchi’s face. He turned back to Kano. “Well I DO. I try my best to help him overcome his dweebiness though, because I know it’s for his own good.”

“In other words, you’re trying to change him,” Kano sighed. “I wouldn’t change a THING about Ren!”

“Like I SAID, I’m doing it for his own good,” Abe snorted. “It’s mighty selfish of you to WANT him to continue being a dweeb just because YOU like him that way!”

“I want what Ren wants!” Kano declared. “Oh and by the way, Ren and I are on first name basis. I hear YOU’RE still calling each other by your LAST names!”

“We do it because we RESPECT EACH OTHER!” Abe yelled. “We’re a BATTERY! Beat THAT! You could NEVER form a battery with Mihashi since you’re both pitchers!”

Kano twitched. “Well, WHEN exactly did you get to know each other, YESTERDAY?? Ren and I have known each other for YEARS!”

Abe looked like he was on the verge of blowing up, but before he did, he was interrupted by Tajima who was sitting on the other side of him.

“Hey, are you guys arguing over who cares the most about Mihashi?” he asked.

“DUH!!!” yelled Abe and Kano.

“Well then, BOTH of you lose!” said Tajima happily. “’Cause the one who loves Mihashi the most is ME! RIGHT, MIHASHI?”

“ZOINKS!” said Mihashi.

“HOW DARE YOU EVEN SUGGEST THAT!!!!” Abe and Kano yelled again.

“Actually, I think I might love Mihashi more than all of you combined,” said Sakaeguchi thoughtfully.

They were about to continue arguing when suddenly…

“Um, is this…” a voice came from behind them all, “…the Tosei clubhouse?”

Everyone on Mihoshi and Nishiura turned around and stared at the person standing there at the very same time, which almost caused him to fall over.

“Who are YOU?” Miyakawa demanded angrily.

“Sorry! I’m… Daichi? From Sakitama?” Daichi from Sakitama tried. “I got this letter that told me to meet at the Tosei clubhouse…”

“Oh, it’s YOU!” Tajima said excitedly. “SO DID WE!! You’ve come to the right place!”

“…Good, good,” said Daichi nervously, taking a seat.

Just then, the stage lit up and SHINGO came waltzing out wearing ridiculous traffic lights costume, dragging Rio and Jin after him.

“This is SO STUPID!!” Rio wailed.

“I don’t see why WE had to come too…” said Jin.

“I already told you!” said Shingo. “You’re first-years, and as a third-year, it’s my duty to educate all of you!” He proceeded to literally kick Rio and Jin out into the audience, where after some grumbling and whining, they reluctantly sat down on either side of Daichi.

“Uh, hi,” said Daichi nervously. “I’m—”

“WHATEVER!” yelled Rio.

Anyway, upon hearing what Shingo told his younger teammates, everyone looked around, and sure enough, everyone in the audience was a first-year.

“WHAT’S THIS ALL ABOUT???” Miyakawa yelled.

“Right!” said Shingo, clearing his throat. “Welcome, first-years, to Shingo’s Amazing Educational Traffic Light Show!”

Crickets chirped as practically everyone in the audience raised an eyebrow.

“Um, what’s a traffic light show?” asked Sakaeguchi finally.

“A show where I, Shingo, teach you little first-years how to stay safe in areas where cars are driving,” said Shingo nobly.

“WHY???” yelled Hatake.

“YEAH!” agreed some random Mihoshi person. “We’re like FIFTEEN, we learned this crud at least a decade ago!”

“It never hurts to review things!” said Shingo patiently.

“Actually, it does,” Izumi spoke up. “We’re wasting our time, and time’s money! Or in our case, time is actually more like… baseball practice.”

“YEAH!!!” everyone agreed.

“No,” Shingo calmly disagreed. “This is IMPORTANT. It’s something I have to do, and something you all must listen to.”

“Nothing’s really stopping us from leaving right now, though,” said Hanai.

“I knew someone would get that idea,” said Shingo. “Therefore, I paid all the bus and taxi drivers in the area to take the rest of the day off.”

“WHAT??!?!??” demanded the whole audience.

“So since you came all the way out here, you might as well let me enlighten you!” Shingo said, clapping his hands together.

The whole audience sighed those heavy sighs that included those little speech bubble-looking things appearing out of nowhere and then disappearing again.

“Do you have to wear that stupid costume, though?” Hanai asked. “It’s sort of… unnerving me. Like it’s making me feel uncool just looking at it.”

“Yes, I have to,” said Shingo.

“BUT WHAT ABOUT—” Miyakawa stated, but he was interrupted by Rio.

“Will you guys just SHUT UP?!” Rio yelled. “GEEZ! The sooner he gets started, the sooner it’ll end, you know!”

“NOBODY interrupts my teammate and gets away with it!” Hatake declared, rolling up his sleeves.

“Hatake, shut up,” said Kano. “He has a point. Let’s just get this over with.”

“Yes Kano!” said Hatake.

Shingo cleared his throat loudly. “So… should I begin?”

“YES!!” yelled the audience.

“All righty then!” said Shingo happily. “We’ll start with the obvious, namely crossing the street. Crossing the street is a VERY dangerous activity that requires your full attention at all times.”

“WE KNOW,” droned the audience.

“As you may or may not notice, I’m wearing a traffic lights costume,” said Shingo. “All traffic lights come with three colors! We’ll start from the top – can anyone tell me what the red color means?”

The audience kept their mouths shut, just glaring angrily at Shingo.

Finally, Mizutani spoke up. “Uh, it means you can’t walk?” This caused everyone to turn around and glare at Mizutani for daring to humor Shingo. “What?” he said obliviously.

“THAT IS CORRECT!” said Shingo. “If YOU’RE facing a red light, you can’t cross the road, but if the CARS face a red light, it means THEY can’t DRIVE. Now, what does the yellow light mean?”

“IT MEANS YOU SUCK!!” Hatake yelled, and all his little Mihoshi underlings laughed with him.

“That was kind of stupid, Hatake,” Kano sighed.

“I’M SORRY, KANO!” Hatake said immediately.

“Bzzt! Wrong!” said Shingo lamely. “Nobody knows the correct answer?”

“It means—” Mizutani began, but Izumi whacked him on the head before he could finish.

“It means… to get ready,” said Jin slowly.

“Real cool, Jin,” said Rio sarcastically. “Reeeaaaal cool.”

“I’m just trying to hurry it along!” Jin defended himself.

“And you’re absolutely right!” Shingo exclaimed. “See, this is why it’s important to always pay attention in traffic!”

“You talk funny,” said Tajima for no reason.

“Anyway,” said Shingo, disregarding Tajima’s pointless comment, “finally, we have the GREEN light! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?”

“IT MEANS YOU CAN GO!!!” yelled the whole audience angrily.

“THAT’S EXACTLY IT!” Shingo yelled right back. “But it does NOT mean you can stop paying attention, because you never know if the cars will actually stop even if they’re supposed to! The key to traffic safety is… to think of everyone as a moron.”

“Like you?” said Yoshi as Miyakawa high-fived him.

“Oh you first-years are so silly!” Shingo chuckled.

“Wait just a minute…” said Kano slowly. “Are you telling me you’re not taking us seriously?”

“But of course I am!” said Shingo, sounding so very shocked. “That’s why I’m taking my precious time to teach you this!”

“He’s lying,” said Rio, not knowing about Kano’s tendency to go ballistic when people don’t take him seriously. “He enjoys making fools of first-years, that’s all.”

“That’s it!” said Kano, immediately standing up. “I’ll teach YOU how to take us seriously!” He started walking menacingly towards the stage when MIHASHI suddenly sprang up and jumped out in front of him. “Oh. Ren. What’s up?”

“Sh-Shuu-chan, please!” Mihashi stuttered. “Let’s… just… get it… over with!”

Kano took a deep breath, then sighed. “Well Ren, if you say so…”

“Yes!” Mihashi continued. “Maybe you… can… Mihoshi can… maybe your team can play against T-Tosei later!”

“Yeah!” said Kano. “We’ll get our revenge BASEBALL STYLE!” He contently took his seat, Mihashi following his example.

“Nice job, Mihashi,” said Abe, patting Mihashi’s back.

“THANK YOU ABE!!!” Mihashi yelled.

“Mihashi is such a despicable little dweeb…” Hatake grumbled.

“No he’s not,” Kano said simply.

“So uhh…” said Shingo slowly. “Are you done? Can I continue without interruptions?”

“You most certainly can!” said Oki.

“Oh goody!” said Shingo. “I take it all of you know how to ride a bike?”

“DUH!!!!!!!!!!” yelled everyone.

“Well that’s good, because next, we’re going to talk about biking.” Shingo suddenly got an extremely serious look on his face. “Did you know that over ninety-nine percent of Japan’s residents don’t wear helmets while riding their bikes?”

“Helmets are for DWEEBS!!” Hatake spoke up.

“WRONG!” Shingo yelled. “INJURIES are for dweebs! Injuries you can get in bike accidents when you’re not wearing a helmet!”

“Dude,” said Hanai, “this is Japan. Nobody wears helmets here.”

“Yeah, I think our heads have special built-in protection so we don’t NEED them!” said Sakaeguchi.

“Hmm, that might be true,” said Shingo thoughtfully. “Fine then, let’s just NOT talk about biking!”

“Yaaayyy,” said the whole crowd, sounding about as enthusiastic as… those islanders in that one Eek the Cat episode.

“Instead,” Shingo continued, “I need a couple of volunteers from the audience.”

“ME, OH GAWRSH PICK ME!!” Tajima screamed, running up to the stage before Hanai managed to stop him.

“Um… okay!” said Shingo uneasily, Tajima’s enthusiasm probably unnerving him. “Anyone else?”

Crickets chirped.

“Well, we sure are taking our time, aren’t we?” said Shingo.

“Team, don’t go,” said Hatake to everyone on Mihoshi. “We’re way too awesome for this.”

“I’d go if Ren would go, but I don’t think he’s going to,” said Kano. Sure enough, Mihashi looked like he was trying to make himself invisible in order to not get picked.

“Jin, go,” Rio commanded.

“No!” said Jin. “Why don’t YOU go?”

“Because I don’t WANNA,” said Rio simply.

“Well neither do I!”

“I command you to go!”

“You’re not the boss of me! I’m OLDER than you!”

“Well I’m TALLER!”

“Well my NOSE is bigger!”

Rio paused. “YOU FOOL! Don’t you know people with big noses have a tendency to get neglected around these here parts?”

“Which is exactly why I shouldn’t go because it’d give me more attention!” Jin argued.

Rio and Jin were currently leaning over Daichi in order to effectively yell in each other’s faces. This was, of course, making Daichi extremely uncomfortable. “I can’t take this anymore!” he fretted. “If nobody goes, this stupid thing will go on FOREVER!” He dramatically stood up and marched up to the stage. “I’LL GO!!”

“THIRD RUNNER!” Nishihiro yelled helpfully, but it’s not like it helped Daichi in any way since he’s not on Nishiura.

“YAY!!!” Tajima cheered. “Welcome aboard, man!”

“Thanks,” said Daichi. He turned to Shingo. “Hey, this isn’t going to hurt, is it?”

“Not if you follow the traffic rules!” Shingo assured Daichi, patting his back. “Okay, guys! Here’s what you’re gonna do – you’re going to demonstrate the correct way of crossing the street when there are no traffic lights nearby!”

“YAAAAAAYYYYY!!” Tajima cheered.

“Of course, crossing the street when there’s no traffic lights nearby is ONLY okay when you’re in an area where cars don’t often pass by,” said Shingo seriously. “With that in mind… what’s your face, how would YOU cross the street?”

“My name is Tajima,” said Tajima, “and I’d cross the street like this! WHEEEEE!” He proceeded to run across the stage as fast as he could.

“No, that’s the WRONG way of crossing the street!” Shingo yelled. “You, other guy! How would YOU do it?”

“Uhh… like… this?” Daichi looked cautiously to the left, then to the right, then to the left again – then walked quickly across the stage while continuing to look left and right and right in front of him at nearly the same time.

“Aaaand you’re right!” said Shingo happily. “The trick is to not rush anything but still not slow down, and look everywhere at once!”

“How is that possible?” asked Abe.

“Everything is possible if you follow the traffic rules!” said Shingo.

Tajima suddenly decided to run over to Shingo and poke his stupid costume. “Hey, are you supposed to be one of those musical traffic lights? I like those.”

“As a matter of fact, yes,” said Shingo. He pushed a button, and that stupid traffic light music started playing.

“RAD!” Tajima exclaimed as he grabbed Daichi and started waltzing around on the stage.

“Oh, that’s right!” said Shingo. “Another way to know that it’s safe to cross the road is to listen if the traffic lights near you are playing this jolly music.”

“Just turn it off,” said Rio who was currently covering his ears.

“NO, DON’T!!!” Tajima yelled desperately.

“DO IT!!!” yelled the whole audience.

“Do you want me to turn it off or not?” Shingo asked, sounding confused.

“TURN IT OFF!!!” bellowed the audience.

“NOOOOO!” Tajima yelled dramatically, practically throwing himself on top of Shingo in order to stop him from turning off the retarded music. This caused the costume to short-circuit and EXPLODE!

When the smoke cleared, Shingo, Tajima and their surroundings were completely black and charred like cartoon characters.

“My costume!” Shingo wailed. “NOOOOO!!”

“OH MY GOODNESS TAJIMA, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?” yelled EVERYONE on Nishiura as they all sprang up to their beloved teammate’s aid.

“That was fun,” said Tajima, wiping some soot off his face. “Can I do it again?”

“YOU’RE ALL OUTTA HERE!!” Shingo yelled, “Out, out, out-out-OUT-OUT!” He shoved everyone out… “AAAAAND STAY OUT!” …And proceeded to slam the door shut.

“Well that was fun, but the buses probably won’t show up until tomorrow morning,” said Suyama.

“Hey look, is that a Sega World right next to the Tosei clubhouse?” gasped Sakaeguchi.

“IT IS!!!” everyone yelled. So they all joined hands and skipped off and spent the whole night fooling around in Sega World until the buses arrived the next morning and they were off to baseball practice.

THE END!